I don’t need to sit here and educate you on the fact that leadership comes in many different forms. No doubt you can change the course of someone’s life without even meeting them, especially in the age of communicative collectiveness we share in 2017. However, it pains me to see people who want to be “influencers”. Scale these big ideas and alter your sphere forever. When we are encouraged to attempt these feats I notice the naivety you can sell yourself into. I myself have done the exact same thing. Balance is important, right? Wrong. What I’m beginning to understand is some people interpret balance as this fixed point, rather we are in the act of balancing. Balancing in this context is designed to describe living in a state of flux, constant motion. The notion that you’re going to reach a set of circumstances you enjoy and remain there is absurd. You already know this. So why do we strive for “balance”???
Balance is misconstrued in my opinion as security. You want to know that you can obtain a standard of living where you meet basic human needs (food, clothes and shelter) but have the flexibility to completely unwind and socialise (even though you can’t really afford it). Or you go to the opposite end of the scale and you don’t believe in balance. You’re a bit more of a risk taker. You invest heavily in one or two areas to receive what you perceive to be high rewards. This is where my take on leadership comes in. The latter population for all intents and purposes want to help whether that be by actions, services or a certain product they bring to the table. This can be used in a number of varying circumstances from sports, business, even parenthood. The falsity that gets created when people develop a community striving for a result is that of friendship or mateship. It’s a very interesting conflict that arises with leadership.
You can most definitely elicit care and compassion for people in general. You can also get a deeper understanding of someone’s circumstances that could explain certain behaviours or situational responses. But that doesn’t infer friendship. Where a lot of businesses or whatever label you wish to use go wrong is they start with this friendship based intent. They work hard to develop relationships during early stage development. But then it hits a tipping point. A point at which enough growth has occurred to encapsulate an added layer of social connection if you will. Meaning you set certain standards in place which allow you to instil discipline or create a gap that doesn’t allow a mutual sharing of information to occur. We’ve developed leaders who think vulnerability is weakness. Who think that taking advice from someone who’s come to them for advice isn’t a viable option. These types of leaders are the ones I worry about most. They are the ones who are surrounded by many but helped by few. This is not to say that they wouldn’t be helped, but what they’ve created is a picture where their energy is constantly being taken from them. They’re so caught up thinking they’re supporting and growing clients, customers, players, students etc. that there’s no one left around who they genuinely socialise with. I mean a conversation where you can be as engaged or disengaged as you like. The company of the person/people alone brings you happiness. Laughing over the latest gym fail videos or euphoric queensland meme (what a glorious page, check it out https://www.facebook.com/EuphoricQueenslanderMemes/). To make matters worse when you try to instil new standards with the foundational population, guess what? Yep, they now think you’re a dick and don’t care if you’re giving away gold bullions (okay maybe gold bullions that’s pretty fuckin’ legit) but I’m sure you’ve experienced something of the sort. An example I can give from my own experience is that of player and coach. You have your “originals” and you’ve got great rapport, a balance between fucking around but knowing when to put in work. Over time new players come through and cliques are created. They feel like they’ve got more pull and push the ledger in getting away with certain things or taking shortcuts without consequence. If this isn’t addressed appropriately you could lose respect and authority from the “old” players because “you’ve changed”. Or respect from the “new” players because you don’t fell inviting. Or both because they converge as a playing group in disrespecting you. A very fine balance if communication is poor!!!
This is not to say that leadership can’t fail under the guise of friendship/mateship. No doubt you tend to give a bit more slack to friends around certain standards especially when it comes to tough decisions, hence the term “mates rates”. Conversely, it would be remise to acknowledge that this weakness could be the hinging strength of great leadership. When honest, raw conversations are had which are designed to create progress for both parties, respect is going to be the long term result. Even if in the moment there is angst and tension. The people I respect most in my life are those who aren’t afraid to call me out on my bullshit not because they think they’re right. It’s because they care for me. Like all things in life we have this notion that everything should continue to grow and improve without regression but that never ever happens. It’s a fiction! Some of the biggest confrontations I’ve had have been with my mates. It’s designed to be constructive. If you’re attempting to grow something and you can’t handle regression through a constructive lense, I hope you enjoy being around for a short time with success.
The core message of this leadership bluster is if you generate legitimate relationships, mutual in their value you can expect a life that is fun as fuck because you got to live it for someone other than you, doing shit you’re passionate about. As will so many others…
Life as Benny 