Source: KENZO TRIBOUILLARD/Getty Images
The notion of success is something we are barraged with almost every day. What are you working towards to be successful? Define your own success! Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life! All of these questions and statements lead us to believe that success is subjective yet we put so many objective measures around what it means to be “successful”. Material things like money, cars, fancy houses, I don’t need to paint the picture for you, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Yet, why do we keep subjecting ourselves to these standards when we know it equates to the loss of so much more of the great intangible things in life? I’ve been fortunate enough to be surrounded by great mentors over the years and they provided me with a tonne of support and ability to be self-aware. This afforded me to gain more certainty and control over situations a lot of people would otherwise feel helpless and overwhelmed in. However, one thing I’ve noticed upon reflection and this ties in somewhat with a previous piece I wrote about “being busy” is that the noise created by this desire to “do” and be “successful” actually drives us away from what we’ve needed before modern civilisation; personal relationships.
Our ancient ancestors evolved in small bands of 20-50 and you knew each of them intimately. We live in Australia, the fourth most desolate land as far as humans per square mile is concerned and I still feel like there’s too many of us! I’ve made the observation that there is a difference between people who’re very skilled in the art of conversation and how that can advantage them in the business world but that doesn’t always correlate with having good social skills or social health. The uprise of any power whether it be a religion, government or business has been through the solidification of subjective views. Over time they become reaffirmed over and over again to create influence as a majority. By conforming, it easier to operate as an individual so you don’t have to be singled out as the oppressed minority (although we have seen a shift in the power of minorities recently, but I’ll leave that for another discussion).
In essence what I’m describing is how society has designed this reality to cater for large populations. Much larger than the former 20-50 bans sizes. By systemising almost every action we want to make, the powers that be have fabricated more and more barriers of entry. An example would be starting your own business. Idea to execution doesn’t happen instantaneously. It requires things like initial capital, bank loans, credit history, ABN’s, rights to business name, leasing land, purchasing relevant equipment the list goes on. As you wade deeper into each barrier you remove yourself further and further away of the actual “thing”, product or service you wanted to provide in the first place. You begin to suck at what makes all of this worth it; again, personal relationships.
I’ll give you a personal example now of a time where I realised the result I thought I was getting (more time & money) didn’t mean sharing it with those I wanted to. Like a lot of you reading this I’m sure you’ve been involved or known someone to be involved with an MLM (multi-level marketing/pyramid scheme) company. I became involved when I was about 19 and was invited by an older friend with a young family whom I worked with at the time. Investing my time going to seminars and listening to audios was something I translated to quite quickly. My strength and conditioning coaching required me to put in hours I wasn’t getting paid for and listening to uni lectures felt very similar. So if this was going to help me generate a “passive income”, great! I was moving up the ranks quite easily as I’ve never really found it that hard to talk to people and believed my mates have always found me to be authentic. I even got one of my best mates to join and one particular night we had an interesting realisation that lead to us both leaving the business immediately.
It was based off a conversation we were having with the guy who got me involved. He began telling us how you deal with criticism from friends about being in an MLM company. He said he realised he didn’t need those people in his life anymore. We quizzed him bemused, “You stopped talking to some of your friends because they hacked on you about being in MLM?” “Yes..” he replied. That was enough for us. As soon as my friend and I got in the car we knew we were never going to push a product (which face it, we didn’t give a fuck about) that would jeopardise any friendships we valued so much.
I believe you can draw comparisons to so many aspects of “success” in life. Do all the material things you own really matter if you’ve got no one to share them with? Or is it the idea of success that sounds more appealing because you have a preconception of what you think people will think of you? The title of this blog takes aim at those who lack empathy. Who carry weight in the ones and zeroes in their bank account. It’s amazing what you can leverage off something that doesn’t actually exist in this modern age. You can tie value to the potential an idea has and put any number next it. Justify it with a few growth indicators and it’s the next guy’s problem to execute with that risk. I understand the argument that the person purchasing the idea has a responsibility to analyse the risk. However, if we continue to acknowledge success in the form of ones and zeroes which is based on fiction, deceit and loopholes it’s a safe bet those people won’t have many friends (hence…you’re a piece of shit.)
We know of the numerous studies done around income and happiness. So it perplexes me when I encounter these people who are deemed successful but just can’t stop in the business world. This constant want for more. The question I have for these people is who are your friends? Do you have any? I don’t mean you know their name and what they do for a job. I mean could have a meal with them. Entertain their family. Watch you favourite sport with them. I have confidence that a great measure for success would be who comes running to help you in times of need? For a lot of “successful” people I think they’d be in company with a pack of stray dogs…
Life as Benny 